Nate Hoss and I used to know a fair piece about the internet. Not anymore. I feel like Brooks Hatlen after he was released from Shawshank Prison. Still, after some research and a startling number of password resets I think I've gotten CNAMEs set up such that this website might work once more.
If nothing else, I'm blogging from a real computer which is now connected via one of the previously-mentioned cables. We're slowly-but-surely getting the house further in order, and an upcoming week off to focus on it will help a ton.